In my capacity as the next President in waiting of the Republic of Namibia I just felt it necessary to address you before the November elections.
First of all, I would like to congratulate comrade Volodymyr Zelensky, the incoming President of the Ukraine with his landslide victory in the recent elections . You have proven to the whole world as a comedian and an actor you shook the world up by recording a landslide victory to become President.
Fellow Namibians, since I have spoken to my Herero/Damara ancestors from the top half of Opuwo to the deep south as far as Upington… my Riemvasmaak voorvaders. Yes it is unfair that we’ve had Wambo Presidents, a current Damara also, with your vote I will bring a strong Herero, arrogant, tribalist element to my presidency.
Yes, we are tired… 29 years after Independence we also want to eat. As your president I will introduce my own reconstructive plans for Namibia. Hereby part of my manifesto:
– Firstly, Statehouse will be moved to Katutura Grootwinkels. I got moered by Koevoet Boere a few times between 1986-1989 there. It is just right that you as Namibians honor my sacrifice for this country, yes, I died for this country!
– We will change the name of Aromat back to Fondor, the confusion this created at Herero Mall since Omeb has been President is uncalled for.
– A state funeral for King Phura, at the Heroes Acres. This man gave Namibian music an identity. After independence we thought Manu Dibango, Papa Sava goede are what we were “supposed to” listen to. Nebke Namibia, thanks for the beats ti’bratse.
– In my new government we can finally sign over Hentiesbaai to the Boers, they can create their own Volkstaat there. The new Namibian roadblock will be situated just before Windpomp 14 in Swakop.
– As party President, we will not be intimidated by DTA, PMS… or whatever their new name is . We will rebrand ourselves from Swapo to NAPO!
– My cabinet will be furnished with iPads during parliamentary sessions. We need to be kept abreast of all side chick websites and the latest war tactics while that Swartbooi mannetjie from the opposition irritates us with his Nama hardegatgeit!
– I want to formally warn the Baster gemeenskap, the issue of Hentiesbaai as discussed above is a separate issue… Don’t get any ideas in buying gojang sakke with sand from Agra. Be warned!
– Dagga will be legalized; hubbly bubbly pipes will be outlawed… Coloreds, beware of the new law.
I hereby urge you all, in light of the Ukranian victory for that comedian… Vote wisely at the end of the year. I can make Namibia great again!
