Vice 29 Versa!
Happy 29th Independence celebrations to all Namibians out there. We are proud, proud Namibians today to celebrate this landmark date. I wish each and every one of you a peaceful, fruitful independence weekend. God bless this country continuously and may peace prevail. OKAY JA, GENOEG K*K GEPRAAT…let me talk to you what I actually wanted to say today! Today in Namibia, we are sharing a lot of joy, peace and harmony. Mara we also share the brunt of the economy currently, people losing their jobs, the drought situation is just depressing to say the least. I was talking to one of my old Afrikaans friends recently to the run-up to the Independence celebrations. As you all know me by now, it is my job to gat krap… I am the happiest when I can stir things! Now I knew I would trigger Jaap by asking him whether he would be going to the Independence celebrations. “Luister Neville, f*k jou en jou goewerment, met al julle tenders. Julle het die land deuri gat getrek. Ek bly by die huis!” Now, I obviously laughed my arse off cos me and Jaap like to poke racial fun at each other. Well, me and Jaap decided for this Independence Day celebrations we will be switching cultural roles to really integrate with each other properly. I will do what white people do, he will do kasielife! We suggest you all out there do the same please, once we are done let’s hope we understand each other even better! Here we go.
– Kom ons gaan braai en drink brannas, you whisky drinking tenderpreneurs, this is what they do while we are at the stadium… this year we do the same!
– Choose a rugby jersey to wear preferably Die Bulle, see you guys in Grove Mall… kaalvoet asb. Respect the culture!
– Rent a German Shepherd dog from your white neighbour and go walk it at Avis dam without a leash. As people walk by reassure them “toemaar, hy sali byt nie.”
– Wait until you are pissed drunk and call to the Afrikaanse diens tonight, sending numerous groete messages.
– Katutura busses are leaving for the Independence stadium around 07h00 in the morning from Damara 7 bus stop, don’t be late!
– Today you drink Punya Punya (Tassenberg) met coke, proper Wamboe drink!
– Wear your Brave Warrior shirt for the day, ons moer vir Zambia vandag!
– Suntan lotion at the stadium would help… it would be a looooong day, by the end of the day you would have heard so many speeches, you would be able to say “protocol observed” after every sentence!
– Kapana en vetkoekies would be your only meal for the day, those memes next to the stadium will have enough stock!
As I looked and compared to what we have done, I will be white for the rest of the year, dankie!