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Strange phenomenon of events been occurring since Monday this week.

For some reason there seems to be an upheave as to how I’m being treated at home. Mevrou and her 10 year old daughter been treating me like a king this week. With whatever suggestion I came up with in the house mevrou agrees with me.

My daughter, for some reason only known to her would make me a cup of rooibos tea, the correct amount of honey and ginger..

Just the way I like it. I would occasionally hear the two of them whispering in the kitchen while I am browsing on my phone deleting “certain’” whatsapp messages. My daughter would tell me, “Daddy please come lie on my lap so I can scratch your head”. Man sowaar this is the good life! Mevrou would ask me why I never spend time with my friends anymore, I need to go out more and de-stress cos, “you do a lot for this household”.

Nou mense, if stuff happens in my space out of the ordinary I immediately consult my testo(sterone)meter. Why are all these nice things happening to me, especially with the two people in the house who I feel I need to be on my toes for mostly, why why why? Ahaaaa…got it, its Valentine’s Day week coming up!

Vakwetu, how could I be so dumb not to know these colonial tactics employed by these two people. Of course they were sent by the devil in coercing me for a few favours on the 14th February maar nee wyk satan, the power of Christ commands you.

Now gents, let’s be clear on this and I know you all agree with me. We need to talk our way out of this Valentine’s Day this year.

Since our wives expect these laboring celebrations to last for a week, lets organize some reasons why we can’t buy the chocolates and flowers!

Blame colonialism for bringing this un-African ritual to the shores of our country. We can’t be colonized again by these imperialists. Believe me, by the time you done she will be spelling Iipumbu ya Shilongo and Kakurukaze fluently!

Convince her there are 364 days to be romantic, today is not the day!

Chocolates are unhealthy, since we are both on a diet since January. Tell her your doctor warned you against increasing your insulin shots!

Your grandmother is sick in Otjinene, you urgently need to drive down. Come on now, mevrou knows she is 93 years old and needs extra care. You will ” see ” what you do when you are back on Sunday. Late afternoon.

These are just some of the stupid excuses you may use, please send me a picture out of your bed from Lady Pohamba on how you are doing after using those excuses. Hopefully by Monday you will be eating more than just soup in hospital… O ja and there’s no more blood in your pee.. Romeo

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